Taking the Leap

I've never been a very good planner. I prefer to follow the natural pattern of life. I'm not disengaged-I try to be in tune to clues from the universe, and pursue new opportunities when it feels right. But taking decisive action has never been my strong suit. I recognize that this is to my detriment. You have to take charge of your life. If you sit idly by, waiting for the giant epiphany, or for the career fairy to come to your bedside while you sleep,  you may fail to realize that all the clues have been in front of you all along-they just didn't come in the form of an "Aha!" moment.

It has become impossible to ignore the fact that higher ed is my calling. I've tried to silence the tiny voice for a long time, through my so-called logic (read: fears) but it's grown more demanding and more impatient.  The classroom is the place in which I seem to find my voice, the place I feel that I'm making a meaningful difference. Which means that, if I truly want to pursue that future, the classroom is exactly where I will find myself again. If I want to be a full time, tenure-track professor, I will have to commit to and complete a PhD.

Confession: I am completely terrified. So many things about this leap scare the bejeesus (no, spell check, i did not mean to say "blue jeans") out of me. I haven't been a student in a long time. What if my academic skills have dulled?? The last time I was in the classroom, smart phones didn't exist. The world was different. What if my attention span has shortened?? A lot of people begin a Phd and never finish. What if that's me??

Here is possibly the scariest part of the whole equation for me. Most who begin a Phd program are discouraged from working, because of the time requirements of the demanding program.

Hmm. So, I'll have to quit working. No income. For 3-5 years. Sure. What planet do these people live on???? Surely not one where you have a roof overhead (even a modest one) or a car payment, or, or, or......
Maybe all Phd candidates are trust fund babies.

No, that can't be it. It has to be attainable. There has to be a way, one that doesn't involve me coming out on the other side with $200,000 worth of debt.

So, I'll ask questions. I'll find a way. Because the alternative is a life spent in what may as well be a cubicle, doing nothing of importance, while a dead end job buys my dreams at the low, low price of $35,000 a year.

The journey begins......